Most workdays after lunch I go and take a refreshing dump. And this time of year, when the leaves have fallen and the cold air bites the skin, I find it's desirable to switch to a nice heated bathroom. I use one in the science building.
This bathroom has many appealing features. There's a nice, sturdy coat hook in each stall. The handicap stall is gigantic, big enough for a La-Z-Boy and an entertainment center. Next to the throne is a warm heater, so your legs don't get chilly. It's very clean, well lit, and rarely used. And the tile floor is trippy. And because it's in the science building, it's assumed that the bathroom patrons have a certain basic grasp of physics.
How do I know this? Because the bathrooms in the Arts & Sciences library don't make the same assumption. They assume you are bewildered and terrified of physics; but they assume you can read. These bathrooms have a peculiarity I've never noticed before. They have instructions on the toilet paper dispensers:
Pull gently. Tear here.
Honestly, is this REALLY necessary? Are there people out there who see the toilet paper, grab hold, assume a stable crouch, and yank with all their might? When they've unraveled the entire roll, do they panic, wide-eyed, with the realization that they lack the capacity to decide, on their own, the best place to tear? Are these instructions a contingency plan to ward off potential lawsuits? And most important of all: who knows how to read, but can't understand the physics of toilet paper?! When as a society did we reach the point where people need toilet paper instructions? In ten years, will our halls have walking instructions?
Lift one foot. Lean forward. Put your foot down. No, not that one, the one in the air. Good. Now repeat with your other foot. That's it: you're doing great! Have confidence. Have faith.
It'd be nice if more public bathrooms had music. It's nice to hear a soothing melody instead of hunkered-down straining. Automatic flushing toilets are far too common, while automatic faucets are far too rare. Stall doors could come a little lower, couldn't they? And don't get me started on trough urinals...that's just wrong.
Posted by Chris at November 13, 2003 08:51 PM | TrackBackThis solves all tp issues including realizing you forgot to get tp at the grocery store and having to run back out before someone gets caught on the john paperless.
Posted by: WonderWomanWhy at November 13, 2003 10:01 PMWhat could I possibly say.....
Let's reminisce about your spoon buddy some more.