Ah, C-SPAN. How do I love thee?
So Bush is announcing a "temporary" work plan for illegal immigrants (the "Tell Us Who You Are, Then Pack Up This Cabbage and Get the Fuck Out" Act). What this entails is illegal immigrants paying a registration fee to declare their presence, then working temporarily at their job and then going home. If they fail to register, they're subjected to a $1500 fine if caught (which money, presumably, they'd be raising from working in the US illegally, or from theft or what have you). This from Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary. I may have botched some of the details because it's hard to listen to Scott McClellan.
Well, as it turns out, some Americans like this plan and some don't. McClellan's session wrapped up at 2:15, and Bush is scheduled to speak at 2:45. What's an ad-free network to do? Why not get some people from the Cato Institute and the National Immigration Forum to answer calls from opinionated Americans! Perfect!
But there's a problem: the recent upswing in America's economy means even complete morons can afford phones, which effectively turns C-SPAN into a soapbox for Cletus to explain how this policy to allow immigrants in--just for a while, and then they have to leave, mind you--is actually a devious conspiracy arranged by Republicans, Democrats, and the Catholic Church. According to Cletus (name changed to protect the ignorant) the Republicans want to enact this plan so they can buy Mexican votes (this despite the fact that they're not citizens, won't have the right to vote, and must leave the country after their temporary job). The Democrats want this because Mexicans will all move into poor areas and suffer a lack of education, which will lead them to vote Democrat. And the Catholic Church wants this because they've become tired of crusading in the rest of the world, and have decided to just concentrate all their followers in one region: the US. This, says Cletus--on national TV, with no trace of irony or shame--is a deliberate conspiracy dreamed up by both major political parties and the Catholic Church to corrupt the White Race and disenfranchise the economy that the White Man has so taken so long to build up. Thanks for buying that phone, Cletus. I hope it was made by a White Guy.
But they're not all racist morons: some are just morons. A later dialogue with another caller included this exchange: "You guys all love this plan! You're just Bush butt-kissers!" "Do you have a specific question, sir?" "Yes! This is wrong! The majority of Americans don't want this!" It's ok, pal: statements are kind of like questions.
Ah, fun stuff. Thank you, C-SPAN! And I bet you thought Comedy Central had some funny shit! And now: the "President of the United States."
Yes, Bush's remarks included a mention of the terror attacks of 9-11. "Do you all remember 9-11? There were terror attacks on 9-11. Don't forget that. This immigration policy is anti-terror. If you don't like terror, you should support this immigration plan." That might not be a direct quote, but it's close. Does Johnny Cochran contract for the White House, or what? "Hey, mention terrorism again! People will forget if you don't mention it a FRIGGIN BILLION TIMES A DAY!!!"
And we've just been informed that the government will develop a quick and simple system for employers to search for American workers. That's just tossed in as an aside. Don't take notice of that! (It sounds pretty sketchy if you actually pay attention to it.)
All right, the blood pressure's going up, and involuntary violent twitches have made it hard to type. Time to stop the entry and change the channel.
Posted by Chris at January 7, 2004 03:00 PM | TrackBackgawd- I don't know how you sat through that. My least favorite kind of talk radio etc.. programming is the moron-call-in kind. NPR has something like that c-span show you mentioned. It's excruciating to hear the rambling half thought out opinions while the host is too wussy to cut them off. You know what else I hate about call it folk? They're always saying hello to the host(s) and thanking them for being on the show and wasting time. I do watch c-span from time to time but it is generally excruciating- even without the viewer participation- everything moves so slowly. It's educational though- it allows us to sit in and observe first hand how stupid people- even the rich, 'well educated' politicians and analysts are.
You'll never get my new monitor though...it's my precious.
Posted by: Dana at January 7, 2004 10:51 PMHi Chris, thanks for letting me comment on your blog. Long time reader, regular commenter.
When I first heard about this plan, my first reaction was, "Wow, he actually did something I agree with." This gives illegal immigrants a second chance period to reassess what they are doing. They're given three years to work before having to go home, three years during which they can also apply for citizenship, no less. So, either they're given time to save up some cash to make the return home not nearly as excruciating, or they're given legitimate citizenship.
Not a bad deal, imho. I see potential for it backfiring and actually increasing illegal immigration, but whatever, sometimes you need to take chances. I've always been a big fan of "Give us your tired, your poor."
Posted by: Nabil at January 8, 2004 05:33 PMI kind of see it as a trap. I, personally, would be in favor of unlimited immigration if we were not a socialist country. It's sort of how it was intended to be. But....
I see this plan though as a nice tempting way to get illegal immigrants to turn themselves in. I wonder also what, if any, effect this will have on employers who have now been identified as willfully hiring illegal immigrants. In effect they're possibly tricking illegal immigrants to turn themselves AND their employers. My guess, being the cynic that I am, is that not everyone who asks will be granted a 3 year work permit- plus I further guess also that the IRS, immigration and labor officials as well as other folks may start paying closer attention to those newly identified employers. I further guess that there will be a number of employers who will refuse to let the illegal immigrants work if they volunteer to turn themselves in- which would amount to their getting deported immediately. But I'm a cynic. And I've not really read many of the details of the plan. Just the basics that are presented in the 'news'.
Posted by: Dana at January 8, 2004 08:25 PM